Promise to Update

Don't worry...will update you on the going-ons of the exam in my oh-so-monkey class pretty soon...

But right now...gotta run...

And yeah...wait for the 

Milo Rain and Shattered Ceramic coming soon ^^

Friends Forever (?)

MooD: Pissed,hurt,unsure...

Genre: Another potential breakup story

Cast: Kna,Tash,Stephanie and I

For some unfortuante reason, I seem to lose more friends faster than my dog shedding fur.

It is horrible...and I have a feeling it's happening...again...

It all started a loooong time ago =_=" when Tash started into high school..and everything was about gaining name and earning popularity...

Im not sure who changed first - she or me...but Im damn right sure that we were bth changing,morphing into 'teenagers' and all...

See,I accept chages and all but the longer I know a person, the harder it gets for me to accept it and all...

So,she starts hiding stuff and makes up excuses and lies and behind those fake laughters,I feel the true best friend I knew for ever so long slipping away slowly..

She wouldn't realize it and I think she still doesn't and I don't have any intentions of talking it out caz she's one of 'those' people that you just cant come clean entirely with..

It's sad and all...but this is what happened today....and maybe..yesterday

Yesterday: I wuz group-studying -so call- wif Kna,Vino and all la..

Kna went tuition dy so Steph approached me and asked where she was and all that..

Said she went to tuition...he asked what time she's be back and all...

and i said 7.30...zzzz *cuts the boring parts*

So,whilst waiting for her,he made small talk with me...saying stuff like how stupid sum of his scoolmates were [ a guy thought that a girl got pregnant in the anal! wtf / a girl didn't know what a condom was and bought one and filled it up with water and started hitting everyone with it...rofl ]

And then,while I was also makeing stupid comments and stuff like that he suddenly popped Minty's name in...

He started to say sumtng n then stopped abruptly...

I kept bugging him to spill the beans but he said," Ask Tash lar.Ask her to tell you"

So I asked her -she was right there- but she acted dumb and blur and when I suspected fowl play,I kept quiet and said nothing.

Today: Same group study,but only Joele,my bro and Kna...

When the guyz werent there dy,..she told my all bout Minty's party and how they were planing it and how suprised its s'posed to be and all...

I wuz lk,"wth?this is what she was hiding from me???yth for?" 

At that exact time,..who was it but Tash,cycling gayly with her bro...

I caught her and asked and she kept shrugging it off until Kna asked bout it...

and then she was like,"im sooo excited...blahblahblahblah" and I wuz lk,"wtf?"

I asked her why didn't she tell me and all...

She made excuses and stuff...

And then she started saying how it was a really 'tight' list and that Reginaa -some unknown friend of Minty- was the planner and all...

And I said I'll crash the party -i was dead serious- caz i was really hurt and mad that tash would keep this from me and I that I've been like a friend to Minty for forever and all...

It wasn't about the Java anymore,it was about our friendship and I wanted just wanted to be there...even if its just two of us celebrating on an island!

Kna and Tash exchanged nervous glances and then Tash started her full throtle excuse making scheme : tight listla,..i dunnola...are u sure...they're all from her school

I may have sounded desperate but definitely for the total opposite reason than what they would have thought of...

So I emo-ed up la...but not as much as when I found out that my dear online friend was dating a jerk form my neighbourhood and she didn't wanna tell me who exactly..

This gal studies somewhere around my school and I've known her through a friend of a friend of mine and yeah,...I was devastated caz he's a TOTAL Asshole...

And there were two people by that exact name,one of them being her,another being another loved-to-death friend of mine from my school,.only being able to tell apart by their sir names..

She finally revealed it and I was lk,"wth??why didn't you tell me??"

To be cont....

!st Daayy

MooD: Panic, Chill, Panic,Chill...

Genre: Report on 1st day exam

 

Cast: Ravy, Jenn, Winnie, Dylan and the papers =)

The first exam wuz.....*drumrolls,please* Bm paper 1...

Which I may/may not have flunked. Mostly, it wuz a-ohkay...

So, im not worried too much. Did a few exercises last night [ in which upon marking, concluded that I wuz a total goner 8D ]

Spent too much time on the Bm revision that left me tired for Geo...but I memorized the places and so on so forth...

Then 2nd paper.... Geography.*chang chang chaaanngg*

The most - kaylar...mayb not the most but one of them =) - wrecked subject of all times.

It wuz suprisingly,do-able...caz well,..I studied *cheer: "Gooo...Nerd!!You can do it!"* *pompoms shakes* 

Everyhting wuz 5n....until..they started asking those questions.Yup!The quetions to the exact topic I left out of my revision [ it did swear sumting about a payback upon being osctracised =D ], brushing it off as "Aiyah!Just too easy to study lah...Read enough dy..." which was quite true...to a certain extent ]

I had to ask ans *sob sob* [ yes,dear readers - if there's any - my promise to myself was broken in the attempt of saving my marks ] from the self-proclaimed-proffesional-exam-cheater *curtains pulls aside* : Raven aka Ravy akan Mr Bean Impersonator [ best friend and gossip forum of all time XD ].

He was sitting on my table [ which was pushed towards the wall caz i wuz too malas too bring home the cornucopia of books =) ] and doing very nicely,while cheating,of course. =) 

Apparently, I's written some notes on the definitaion of those Simile, Personifikasi and so on while teacher was explaining before [ before,that is, she left to the Kampong to look after her father,happily abandoning us *sob sob* ] for memory purposes and it had helped him with a a question....

A question I knew the answers to,anyway, so Im chill..=D

I had asked the papers back so that I could ask some of the answers from those whom had already passed up their papers *hangs head in guilt*

Dylan -oh!MeLuv- actually gave me the answers to the question I had the most doubt but then, haizness...

I opted to trust Jen, who had very conveniently given me abother answer.And since she's the Pro in Geo and all...

haizness!!!

The sad part is,...she wrote the right ans but had given me the wrong one!!

Haizness,...my hearing and I..Someday,Im gonna get so annoyed with my harting abilities that Im just going to *makes a slicing motion with hand* slice off my ears - just like that.

Ah well,..you can't win em' all...

Then came Bm Paper 2 *glass shatters everywhere*...

In which,somehow,I dunno why,I spent nearly 10 whole minutes dreaming and fiddling with my pencil  - maybe it was caz i din't have anything for break and that's a first,i dunno...-I was the only one in that whole room who was twirling my pencil around my fingers and looking at everyone like a damn rotating CCTV [ they do, call me Ms Rotating amongst other nicknames lol ] while evryone else was furiously but diligently writing away on that notepad/paper/whatever they had to write on like their life depended on it. 

I did that too,..in the last 7 mins of the paper...I gave up on my 'nice handwriting' and jumped to the 'chicken scratches' wagon caz that's exactly how it looked like!

My heart was beating so damn fast - not for the first time though - somehow,this alwayz happens to me in every single Bm paper 2 exam - It even had the beat i cant get right while playing my guitar!!

I was witing away like mad,cursing ta myself - as usual -for wasting so much time earlier on.

*suspense music plays eeriely fast in the background* Finally, I was done. I didn't even have the time to check my papers..like durh!I barely managed to finish the entire paper! =D

After passing up my paper, Kishen asks next to me," What did you out for the definition of perspektif sempit?"

I say,"Pemikiran kolot. Can ah?"

He says,"Yalah...same what.."

Of course, I dont believe the numbnut - sorry!i really do appreciate your pencil and all the other stuff you lent me today but that doesn't change facts,though - so I turnaround and ask Jen.

Jen: I dunno...Caz pemikiran kolot is like -says the meaning which i forgot but i remember enough that realized I did a terible mistake that's gonna cost me" 

The right answer: Pemikiran yang tidak terbuka.

Holy Shit!!Wth am i supposed to do??

Ravy then came over to my desk and asks me how many word did I write for my Bahagian B.I panicked cause' I'd forgotten to write it down despite taking the time to painfully count every single damn word -that's what im supposed to do..I noe..i noe =P -...

I rush and check with the teacher if I could write it down and would you believe it??She actually let me! So i also took the oppurtunity *cheeky laughter* to change my anwer and get it write..

I felt really sad for cheating...not then,maybe,but now.

Ah well..I'll really see to it that it never happens again...

Next exam after this: Trials *yipes*

Frustration!!

MooD: Regrets,regrets,regrets....and more haizness

Genre: Vent of Self-frustration and anger

Cast: Ms Leong;MoM;Sleepy-head-who's-gonna-flunk (Yours truly)

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

You'd probably have realized by now that i say 'AARRGH' quite a lot...Will think of a new one.

I realy should beat myself up like that guy in The Da Vinci Code.Seriously.Whipping myself like that would just be perfect for me right now.

I am bad in Maths. Correction: I am the WoRsT in Maths.

And WTF did I do about it??Skip the replacement class that's suppossed to have helped me!

Frankly, I don't think Ms Leong could be anywhere close to being as upset as I am....I slept off!!!

  In the midst of drooling in that 42 inch pillow [ you know..,those that sinks your head into them ones ], I did not realize my maid waking me up...WTF???

I got up and im like,"OMGF!!I missed another class!!"><

You cant possibly imagine the anger I felt ... towards idotic Me, Moron Myself and fucking I!!

I just don't know what to do...Despite the fact that my teacher leaked out the questions and blahz...I couldn't bother to read them thru,would you believe it? Did I mention that I'm speaking of my Bm papers?No?Ah well,..at this point I cant think straight...hell!I cant even walk a damn straight line.You know,blurred vision with anger and all that...=)

God practically came down to Earth in the form of my very.....uhm...[nvm] BM teacher to pass me the answers [ well,sort of ] to one of my worst fears, BM paper 2. Of course,my other fears include, KH,Maths,Sejarah...zzzz....you geddit,ryt??

Im just a bloody babbling entity who can't even do damn thing right!!...

MooD:Frustrated,exasperated and in a fowl mood

Genre: Complains and outbursts.

Cast: One pissed and agitated drama queen [ you can imagine how a drama queen would react in situations like these =) 

You know what??I fucking give up!!The frustration....*tears hair out of her head*><

Seriously,..

Kna cant be bothered to fucking teach me....How darn sad is it that whenever I call her, she is either too busy to pick up the phone or well,just busy?

And my parents...For goodness sake!I cant belief I actually spent more than half a day ion some installation ( no dounbt a very,very nice installation 8D ) and they cant even be bothered enough to get me some exercise books...Exercise Books,people!!Not games,not clothes, not anything of worldly material but BOOKS!!!

DON'T YOU GUYZ GET IT THAT IM GOING TO FLUNK MY PAPERS UNLESS SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING TO HELP ME OUT????

And it certainly isn't helping that I'm sitting on the computer...blogging...BloGGinG!!Can you believe that I know-i just know for sure-that Im going to flunk my test if I dont put myself into constant hard labour and here I am.BloGGing.Fucking BloGGing!! * screams like a choking hyenah*

Another person that walked away from my life

V-man...left.

oh-kay...I felt dumped and hurt. at first.still.

But i wrote that daily how-im-handling-it journal and things are pretty cool now..

Getting better at least. I hate the way i went 2 skewl yesterday like Bella Swan in New Moon caz despite what everone thinks or gossips, he is NOT my boyfriend...we just got a hell lot closer this year and i just felt strangely empty without him.

It was similar when Roobz wuz in his zombie mood, but that phase was easier to handle with caz a) he wuz around to talk about it and b) it was much easier to wait for this phase to wear off caz i'd finally diagnosed the problem.

He lied to me and conned me into believing that he had no choice but to leave...And me,being the totally oblivious shit that I am,..only realized a tad bit too late..After he finished his shopping...Damndamndamn

And yea,..the nerd that he is,..he reli wanted to focus and all that. 

Ah well,..he wants to go...let him go..Im gonna move on...

I kept telling him,"you're gonna change...things will be different between us. The moment you leave,things will never ever be the same again..ever" 

Foolish-nerd: No...I won't..I'll still be the same la...C'mon,man

Dont.go-pleader: You will...You forget,how many people i have lost..The group just wont be the same without you...Don't you geddit??You're running away!You have every single damn thing you can ever want right here!

Foolish-nerd: I have to, nacha.Try to understand. This is why I didn't wanna tell you. You'll take it too hard..and you are. Im soo sorry,ya.

Dont.go-pleader: Please...I dont cry for everyone, you know...Dont make me feel I wasted my tears on a jerk...You don't have togo..Whatever it is, we can work things out...

Foolish-nerd: I got an oppurtunity and I have to take it, you see.

Dont.go-pleader: That's bull..You got the it the first time and you ( fucking ) came back. You used your mom to get you into this despite them rejecting you twice!

....blablablah

then...

On Mon,I brought my phone to school to catch picz n tape vids but left my memory card in the comp[ =_="] and left the farewell gift in the car when getting out of it to school. So movie-like...haiz.

After school,I kept repeating to my bro [if you were there,you'd get sick of the sentence,"go call appa" and wud probably spit at anyone mentionaing anything anout calling lol] but hecould care less and in the end, we didn't hang out together after school as long as planned caz my dad wuz already waiting in front. I left them, a pissed hyenah, and stalked out of the canteen, fuming like hell...V-man called but i agnored him..caz i was mad at my bro...Stupid but ah well,..you shudda guessed.

That night, he texted me and i apologized for walking out on him,it being his last day and all..

Dont.go-pleader:This is why i did what i did in Form 1...caz i didn't want to attach myself to you,to anybody and you were getting harder to unattach. I didn't wanna let you in because of this. And now, it has happened...Before I can stop it.

Foolish-nerd: Im so sorry,Nacha

Dont.go-pleader: Im not even supposed to tell you all this. But If it has happened anyway,..(wth)

I regret...(cant rememeber dy...lol)I wasted my tears on you and you didn't even ( forgot again...) 

Foolish-nerd:Im so sorry.Im reli sorry ya...Chill..

Dont.go-pleader: Blahblahblah

Felt bad through-out the night for fighting with him but didn't make amends.properly...

He tells me he's sick and that quote,"The doctor screwed ma ass. He gave me a shot on my property. Damn Pain." I christened his ass as Mr Baboon.wtf i noe..i geddit XD

Tue: I dont go to school.

Reason: My fight with Jennyfer made me think if she really is my friend. No matter how paranoid I am, I need to rethink our friendship. After that fight yesterday,things will never be the same again. I think i should get an award for the useless talent of shedding of friends i record time faster than my dawg.

He texts [thx to roobz]: what's wrong wif ya?EH,why din go to skewl today.

hiding.fm-the-world-gal : Caz i din feel lk going.

Torn-guy: Is it because of me,...Whats wrong wif you?Are you okay?Is it because of me?Im so sorry ya.

hiding.fm-the-world-gal: Why would i not go because of you?*slap to the face* I just dint feel like going.*immediate guilt* but too late caz the mess was sent the moment i realized me mistake.

Torn-guy: Okay.BB tc [or sumtng lk that]

Wed: Doesn't say bye before leaving,leaving me hoping that I could pass his farewell gift: a phone-chain that says MISS*heart*YOU { strictly,as a guilt-tol only} the on that day.He'

s supposed to leave on tue to register,return home and then leave during the weekends. 

I Ask Roobz [like the night before] why didn't he reply my texts...he says that he called but he didn't pick up. He switched off his phone. Maybe he left.

I was like,"Nooooooooooooooooo."

He then said," I asked Saktish [his bro] and he said that V-man has left.

This is the part where the world stopped and then everyhting was moving too fast for me to comprehend anything. While this was happening, obviously I didn't put my hand on my temple and go swoon swoon swoon or anything...Instead, I professioanally put on the facade like I always do and throughout the day,few people saw through my mask.Including Jen.

The conclusion is,he left.The end.

That's the fucking ending to this sad story...I noe..Sux to hell but ah well..

I realized that whether he changes or not, things are going to anyway. So it wont hurt -actually,it will- if I just shocked him by trnsforming myself into sumtng...nah...Not gonna happen. Im just going to move on and thread on him like the past he's chosen to be.

Caption: Clowing around one day on the way to class XD

Undevoted Blogger

MooD: Frustrated

Genre: Guilt Confession and Questionaire

Evidently, I cannot, i repeat cannot, fit into the "compulsive blogger" catogory since Im such an utter failure in updating my blog that's supposed to reflect and broadcast my oh-so-dramatic life,which is just that - dramatic. 

But with a tiny exception...I AM NOT BLOGGING!!
Im sooo darned frustrated...at myself...I keep scolding myself [doing a poor job in it,dont worry..You dont have to worry that Im too hard on myself ^^]..

What is it with diaries and me,anyway??I mean,..it's soo hard to actually post a blog...*frustrated sigh* * exasperated sigh* 

Ah well...you cant win em' all..

Coming up:Questions of the Week

1. What the fuck do you think you'r doing??
   
2. Who the hell do you think you are, fucking Albert Einstein?
   
3. When the hell are you gonna step out of your delusional world that the day is eventually going to be saved...by someone??
4. Do you fucking realize that PMR is coming to get you in 4 months (!) time??

Those are the questions which I'll have to come up with answers...soon.Or else, *menacing eyes* it'll be eternal damnataion for me.*intermission soundtrack*

MooD:Exhausted...Tired...Hype-Aftermath Spell

Genre:Winding sypnosis of today's events

So,...i woke up lk at about 6 am [for the very fist time this year *round of applause*]...Stretched got ready,...blahblahblah...skipping the boring stuff.

Then,Roobz came over and went to skewl...

The whole place wuz in a quiet buzz caz of the small crowd but I was already busy...

So Suganisha had passed her mighty weighs-a-ton load of burden on my shoulders to handle everything and be in charge of the whole arranging,do-this-do-that thing caz she's occupied with Kawad stuff,which I don't mind caz I have Yee En/Yi En [sumtng lk that] yay! =)

But I must say,her duties are quite heavy for a simple SPM student...

1. Finish up the Aspirasi report
2. Kawad...which means she has to wak around in a robotic,mundane and unattractive fashion that says anything but unique and standing out.
3. Deal with almost everyhting like ice-cream,money,booths,froms,supplies,more supplies and well,the entire operation!!

Dunno if it wuz her idea but them.the president of Leo Club is pretty darn lazy,that awful hag that abondoned us in the lurch to do it all on our own! * angry wheez*

Then,things were hectic.

• Had to send someone to get the money [Jennyfer].
  
• Had to get stamp pads for the coupons without a cop [Satu].
  
• Had to actually ask where the booths are supposed to be.
  
• Decide the arrangement of the sweets,foods,drinks and pretty much everything and lemme tell you that the space that the kanjus (stingy) assholes gave us just showed their rwetardness in managing things.But sumhow we managed lar..;D
  
• Welcome the volunteers [ the Mighty Xavier and Duke/Lord Dylan a.k.a Hunk and Handsome XD ].And since neither ice cream nor pizza have arrived,I had to send on errands here and there after being shoo-ed away by the Barbequeing Machos [ Vekaash,Jeet,Aravind,Isaac,Logendra,Vinod.....zzzz...oh!and Adrian]
  
• I had to deal with coupon issues...followed by Dakshaan and the Gang issues...Gawd!They piss me off! >(
  

Tiredness....after like totally draining out every single >whatever measurement used<>

I wuz like damn nervous caz i wuz sharing Vekaash punya spikes but then,he wuz also sharing it with Pavin,Aizat[i guess] and one more guy....and all the acara were closely-knit so im lk ,"oh shit!Am i gonna have enuf time and all that]

Dakshaan wuz behaving weirdly wif me but hey,he's a guy so I'm like,"kayz....whatever.Im not gonna understand you neway!"

Vekaash and I were hanging out together,mostly....We were like ,"Is the acara now?" like,every 2 mins. I wuz lk stretching and I dint know a few guyz were looking.They went like,"Be careful.Dont stretch too much." And i did the wtf-do-i-look-like-i-even-care face that I wuz so famous for and naturally igmored them...like always.Which is just sad in their part caz they never brought any significant meaning into anyone's life and they're just a piece of toxic waste lying around in the open.

Finally....,the time came to run...

I wuz strangely a bit norm...sure,the nervousness wuz there but not in the drowning,compulsive sorta way but in the 'criteria:be-nervous' sorta way which suprised me.V wished me g'luck and i posed in the oh-so-perasan-queen way that i wuz so popular for...naturally,he wuz suprised and all that but then,hu wouldn't be,upon seeing me being suddenly weird and playful over the race i've been sweating about for weeks?

I ran...ran...then there wuz this part in my lane where the sand wuz thick and slippery*dayum!* and so i had to slow down [thank gawd they warned me ^^] and then belinda [red] cut me n i wuz 2nd...

This is the silliest part: I thought,"I'm thirsty lar...ah chill la dei!..."and just kept a constant pace...and finished 2nd,like the rest after me!Had i cut into a sprint rather than a not slow,not so casual,not super-fast-either pace,i woulda definitely won...Haizness...

Anywayz...i still got the whatever thing they hang around the neck,..^^

TiredNess...zzzzz

MooD:Tired...Exhausted...Seriously,get the spotlight outta my face!

Genre:Complaints and Grumbles

To be frank, I absolutely HATE walking under the friggin' hawt sun...I also Totally HATE feeling vulnerable and that never fails to happen whenever the rays sting my skin and then melt them...I feel like a F****ing ice cream....!!!  *hysterical screams*

And despite all that,I still walk to tuition,..painfully and unbearably carrying my school bags that weighs more than a sack of rice.Seriously.It does.

I am just sooo tired of all this!! *screams hysterically...again,then wails like a crazy hyena*

Wednesday happens to be the most bussiest day of the week...

1.Wake up horribly early after sleeping awfully late.

2.Mourn in silence but then turn out looking like i merajuk.

3.Reach school exactly on time if not late,only to remeber that i left something at home {unbelievable as it is,it happens every week! grr!}

4.Start taking the damn kedatangan,and realize that nearly half the class isn't in our line where they should be {bloody stray guinea pigs born specially to ****ing torture me}

5.The whole day moves pretty slow.wait.Painfully slow.So slow that,well,just get the picture aite?

6.Make up a list of stuff that i would work on like my never ending,out-of-date revision that i'm not gonna complete anyway.

7.School ends.Grab lunch:bun/ice cream/water.Ponder with it awhile,then start trying to study.

8.First distraction arrive [usually Bro,Roobz and V].Make noise,wreck my concentration,then leave.Although,I must say I don't mind them at all.The exact type of distractions I would simply love to have =)

9.Second distraction appears almost right after [DK,Sara,Rugen...a.k.a Vetti and Co.]Ruin my concentration entirely,piss me off with their rude remarks,knowing that I'm defenseless.

10.Last but not least distraction waltz in [ Lil G',Puny R and others].Now,i'm boring my eyes into the book,reading everything yet nothing. .>@(

11.Finally,time to go.Should be thankful.But i'm not.Why should i be?The mean,mean Sun just appears when I step out of school.Which is sooooooo unfair!!=(

12.Still on the way,now feeling the pain of a construction-syt worker. *Sweat**Groan**Perspire*

13.Eyes are falling lazily.Can't construct a damn sentencewithout ambarassing myself.

14.Feeling fresher no wthat the class is over.

15.Wait for whatever transport.Get in,go home,Hog in whatever they have,zonk out.

16.Wake up.Shower.Rush to Math class.There,i join blur Sheilaa,and grumbling Chee Soong[how the hell do i spell your name,buddy?]

17.Agonizing class ends.Almost immediately realize I've forgotten everything.Ah,well...It'll come back later.Go home and waste away.

18.Wake up next morning feeling like a dead corpse-turned-living-zombie.

Confessions fo a Nurotic Dare Devil

MooD:Dangerous

Genre:Wild poetic ride

Hell yeah,I know,

Just who I am,

A usual go-getter on the go,

Or just perhaps,the eternally damned.

An epiphany,this is what it is,

Raw adrenaline pumping through my veins,

Like my own personal brand of drugs,why even try to resist?

True to honour,I shall never reveak my cohort's names.

Swearing at someone in public,

Just to show I can and that I would,

Just to indulge in myself like a total pig,

The rare irresistable urge to do it just caz I could.

I don't care what anyone thinks though I never did,

I don;t give a damn what a person in the outer circle has to say,

Cause' I'm done giving a thought bout' stuff that I don't need,

But if i don't follow my heart for a moment,then it's an off day.

The tree is so high up so *duh!* I gotta be up there,

Throwing caution to the wind is definitely too old of a habit,

The familiar hysteric;the desire that churns my blood to flair,

No hesitance in my part & I'm doomed to follow my heart,damnit!

Boyfriend Turned Bestman

MooD:HeartBroken...For the Guy

Genre:Poetic Depression

If I could do it over,

Oh,please just this once,

I would never be than same sucker,

I just need this one chance.

Alas!It is far too late,

You're now in the arms of another,

Is it just a chapter, or is our fate?

Who is this man?Can he be as good as a lover?

Would your eyes dance again,

Like firelight upon seeing him,

Would you ever feel my absence and refrain,

Or would you ignore it and continue by whim?

Have I another damned chance,

To speak out all I have ever felt,

From the bottom of my broken heart,

I would lift in from your eyes,the guilt.

And hear you sing in my head,

Like the beautiful nightingale you are,

For it is in remebrance of you smile,that leaves my wrists uncut,

Sparing me from the tormenting image in the mirror.

What I wouldn't do to turn things around,

You're too good for me and you deserve way better,

Why the,am I stalking you like a sick,dumb, hound?

If I can't bear to see you,yet be away either?

I need you back forever,

Stop avoiding me like that,

I would take what it is,whatsoever,

As long as I have you back.

Friendship,the last thing I'd want,

Yet,you leave me no choice and hence I accept,

As long as I see your face,filled with joy and fun,

The unbearable agony all forgotten after a glimpse of that.

Weven if that is the most I can ever offer,

You shall have it,it is yours to keep,

I lost you once and I'm not losin' you twice,no sir,

For what else greater to campare to the beauty of friendship?

It hurts more than the sword,I feel,

Slashing through my bleeding heart,

Seeing him getting down to kneel,

With a ring in his palm,in your backyard.

marry me,my dear Grace,

you'd never have to be alone,

Please just say yes caz,

I love you,and that' all I really know.

The world stopped for the three fo us,

One expectant,another shocked,

I was heart broken for she was mine first,

She said yes and I watched them hug.

Is this vile jealousy feels,then?

As the pathetic,green-eyed monster,

I watch you in the altar with that man,

Vowing to be together till the end,forver.

                                                                                                     ~Written by a loser who lost his lady~

Of fatal Friendships Turned Sore

MooD:Confused

All those who deserves to be forgiven shall be forgiven. 

So,after being betrayed, deceived, and used, am i really supposed to F****ing forgive her for treating me like a tissue paper and thinking that I'm a sidewalk that she can step all over like it was my main purpose of existance? 

She knew I won't stay quiet and revenge taste sweeter than blood to me,..

I get more dirt of her than i can do with,...

When Jennifer apoogized to her,..I thought it wuz okay,she being a hardcore Christian and all...

Apparently,in one of the numerous meetings she attends,the big guy,whoever he is, said something about forgiving that person even if it wasn't her fault. So,our Big Miss-Goody-too-shoes-heart-of-gold buddy trotted off and apologized..

Now why would she do something like that?She even forgave her!After all she has done....

Of course,it may seem like the right thing to do...but after really following up on the ghastly episodes of our friendship together, you would realize that you wouldn't have done the same thing if you were her...

When I tell the things that happen and stuff I did for her, They would go like,"See?She took advantage of you!Why did you have to protect her like that?Her probzla.."

But that's just the way I am to friendz...

so,..izzit a major mistake of mine to actually devote myself to unpredictable friendships?

Should I,like the noble and wide..sorry,big hearted Jennifer,quit being such a bitch and forgive and forget? Should I  end the year long silent war?Or should I sereve her with the justice she owes me by payback-revenge?

Friendship That Sinks

MooD:3mO n Hung Up...Totally

Life...so far has been complicated,confusing,..and yea,..distressful.

WTH am i s'pposed to do when being spaced out isn't enough for both of us anymore?I know you may not exactly get what's going on caz, of course,the identity of the person being spoken of is definitely confidential and only known to those involved. So, A2 and I have been fighting and hurting each other for over a month now. We make up, then we get down to it again...only it isn't love and it is THE most complicated friendship I have ever had in my life. He calls to apologize, only to say the wrong things and piss me off...again..The sad part is, he is sooo darn sincere[i hope..] and i have no idea why we are so NOT compatible caz things were soo different between us before...Why can't he be just him??

Why can't I just say what's on my mind??Why is our friendship constantly in stake??

Things turn to the worse before they get better, better before i can emo and way way worse before I could rejoice of it all being ohkay again...

WTH am i supposed to do,damnit??Is it that hard to understand each other, or is that it's just easier to fight than get along?Am I ever gonna get any answers before it's too late?

Before...we drift to worlds apart?

So many questions yet no sure voice to talk it out...

Will these be my last questions of our friendship before you start wondering my writing capabilities beyond question marks?

                                                                                                             ~ Written by an unknown friend ~