V-man...left.
oh-kay...I felt dumped and hurt. at first.still.
But i wrote that daily how-im-handling-it journal and things are pretty cool now..
Getting better at least. I hate the way i went 2 skewl yesterday like Bella Swan in New Moon caz despite what everone thinks or gossips, he is NOT my boyfriend...we just got a hell lot closer this year and i just felt strangely empty without him.
It was similar when Roobz wuz in his zombie mood, but that phase was easier to handle with caz a) he wuz around to talk about it and b) it was much easier to wait for this phase to wear off caz i'd finally diagnosed the problem.
He lied to me and conned me into believing that he had no choice but to leave...And me,being the totally oblivious shit that I am,..only realized a tad bit too late..After he finished his shopping...Damndamndamn
And yea,..the nerd that he is,..he reli wanted to focus and all that.
Ah well,..he wants to go...let him go..Im gonna move on...
I kept telling him,"you're gonna change...things will be different between us. The moment you leave,things will never ever be the same again..ever"
Foolish-nerd: No...I won't..I'll still be the same la...C'mon,man
Dont.go-pleader: You will...You forget,how many people i have lost..The group just wont be the same without you...Don't you geddit??You're running away!You have every single damn thing you can ever want right here!
Foolish-nerd: I have to, nacha.Try to understand. This is why I didn't wanna tell you. You'll take it too hard..and you are. Im soo sorry,ya.
Dont.go-pleader: Please...I dont cry for everyone, you know...Dont make me feel I wasted my tears on a jerk...You don't have togo..Whatever it is, we can work things out...
Foolish-nerd: I got an oppurtunity and I have to take it, you see.
Dont.go-pleader: That's bull..You got the it the first time and you ( fucking ) came back. You used your mom to get you into this despite them rejecting you twice!
....blablablah
then...
On Mon,I brought my phone to school to catch picz n tape vids but left my memory card in the comp[ =_="] and left the farewell gift in the car when getting out of it to school. So movie-like...haiz.
After school,I kept repeating to my bro [if you were there,you'd get sick of the sentence,"go call appa" and wud probably spit at anyone mentionaing anything anout calling lol] but hecould care less and in the end, we didn't hang out together after school as long as planned caz my dad wuz already waiting in front. I left them, a pissed hyenah, and stalked out of the canteen, fuming like hell...V-man called but i agnored him..caz i was mad at my bro...Stupid but ah well,..you shudda guessed.
That night, he texted me and i apologized for walking out on him,it being his last day and all..
Dont.go-pleader:This is why i did what i did in Form 1...caz i didn't want to attach myself to you,to anybody and you were getting harder to unattach. I didn't wanna let you in because of this. And now, it has happened...Before I can stop it.
Foolish-nerd: Im so sorry,Nacha
Dont.go-pleader: Im not even supposed to tell you all this. But If it has happened anyway,..(wth)
I regret...(cant rememeber dy...lol)I wasted my tears on you and you didn't even ( forgot again...)
Foolish-nerd:Im so sorry.Im reli sorry ya...Chill..
Dont.go-pleader: Blahblahblah
Felt bad through-out the night for fighting with him but didn't make amends.properly...
He tells me he's sick and that quote,"The doctor screwed ma ass. He gave me a shot on my property. Damn Pain." I christened his ass as Mr Baboon.wtf i noe..i geddit XD
Tue: I dont go to school.
Reason: My fight with Jennyfer made me think if she really is my friend. No matter how paranoid I am, I need to rethink our friendship. After that fight yesterday,things will never be the same again. I think i should get an award for the useless talent of shedding of friends i record time faster than my dawg.
He texts [thx to roobz]: what's wrong wif ya?EH,why din go to skewl today.
hiding.fm-the-world-gal : Caz i din feel lk going.
Torn-guy: Is it because of me,...Whats wrong wif you?Are you okay?Is it because of me?Im so sorry ya.
hiding.fm-the-world-gal: Why would i not go because of you?*slap to the face* I just dint feel like going.*immediate guilt* but too late caz the mess was sent the moment i realized me mistake.
Torn-guy: Okay.BB tc [or sumtng lk that]
Wed: Doesn't say bye before leaving,leaving me hoping that I could pass his farewell gift: a phone-chain that says MISS*heart*YOU { strictly,as a guilt-tol only} the on that day.He'
s supposed to leave on tue to register,return home and then leave during the weekends.
I Ask Roobz [like the night before] why didn't he reply my texts...he says that he called but he didn't pick up. He switched off his phone. Maybe he left.
I was like,"Nooooooooooooooooo."
He then said," I asked Saktish [his bro] and he said that V-man has left.
This is the part where the world stopped and then everyhting was moving too fast for me to comprehend anything. While this was happening, obviously I didn't put my hand on my temple and go swoon swoon swoon or anything...Instead, I professioanally put on the facade like I always do and throughout the day,few people saw through my mask.Including Jen.
The conclusion is,he left.The end.
That's the fucking ending to this sad story...I noe..Sux to hell but ah well..
I realized that whether he changes or not, things are going to anyway. So it wont hurt -actually,it will- if I just shocked him by trnsforming myself into sumtng...nah...Not gonna happen. Im just going to move on and thread on him like the past he's chosen to be.
Caption: Clowing around one day on the way to class XD
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