Promise to Update

Don't worry...will update you on the going-ons of the exam in my oh-so-monkey class pretty soon...

But right now...gotta run...

And yeah...wait for the 

Milo Rain and Shattered Ceramic coming soon ^^

Friends Forever (?)

MooD: Pissed,hurt,unsure...

Genre: Another potential breakup story

Cast: Kna,Tash,Stephanie and I

For some unfortuante reason, I seem to lose more friends faster than my dog shedding fur.

It is horrible...and I have a feeling it's happening...again...

It all started a loooong time ago =_=" when Tash started into high school..and everything was about gaining name and earning popularity...

Im not sure who changed first - she or me...but Im damn right sure that we were bth changing,morphing into 'teenagers' and all...

See,I accept chages and all but the longer I know a person, the harder it gets for me to accept it and all...

So,she starts hiding stuff and makes up excuses and lies and behind those fake laughters,I feel the true best friend I knew for ever so long slipping away slowly..

She wouldn't realize it and I think she still doesn't and I don't have any intentions of talking it out caz she's one of 'those' people that you just cant come clean entirely with..

It's sad and all...but this is what happened today....and maybe..yesterday

Yesterday: I wuz group-studying -so call- wif Kna,Vino and all la..

Kna went tuition dy so Steph approached me and asked where she was and all that..

Said she went to tuition...he asked what time she's be back and all...

and i said 7.30...zzzz *cuts the boring parts*

So,whilst waiting for her,he made small talk with me...saying stuff like how stupid sum of his scoolmates were [ a guy thought that a girl got pregnant in the anal! wtf / a girl didn't know what a condom was and bought one and filled it up with water and started hitting everyone with it...rofl ]

And then,while I was also makeing stupid comments and stuff like that he suddenly popped Minty's name in...

He started to say sumtng n then stopped abruptly...

I kept bugging him to spill the beans but he said," Ask Tash lar.Ask her to tell you"

So I asked her -she was right there- but she acted dumb and blur and when I suspected fowl play,I kept quiet and said nothing.

Today: Same group study,but only Joele,my bro and Kna...

When the guyz werent there dy,..she told my all bout Minty's party and how they were planing it and how suprised its s'posed to be and all...

I wuz lk,"wth?this is what she was hiding from me???yth for?" 

At that exact time,..who was it but Tash,cycling gayly with her bro...

I caught her and asked and she kept shrugging it off until Kna asked bout it...

and then she was like,"im sooo excited...blahblahblahblah" and I wuz lk,"wtf?"

I asked her why didn't she tell me and all...

She made excuses and stuff...

And then she started saying how it was a really 'tight' list and that Reginaa -some unknown friend of Minty- was the planner and all...

And I said I'll crash the party -i was dead serious- caz i was really hurt and mad that tash would keep this from me and I that I've been like a friend to Minty for forever and all...

It wasn't about the Java anymore,it was about our friendship and I wanted just wanted to be there...even if its just two of us celebrating on an island!

Kna and Tash exchanged nervous glances and then Tash started her full throtle excuse making scheme : tight listla,..i dunnola...are u sure...they're all from her school

I may have sounded desperate but definitely for the total opposite reason than what they would have thought of...

So I emo-ed up la...but not as much as when I found out that my dear online friend was dating a jerk form my neighbourhood and she didn't wanna tell me who exactly..

This gal studies somewhere around my school and I've known her through a friend of a friend of mine and yeah,...I was devastated caz he's a TOTAL Asshole...

And there were two people by that exact name,one of them being her,another being another loved-to-death friend of mine from my school,.only being able to tell apart by their sir names..

She finally revealed it and I was lk,"wth??why didn't you tell me??"

To be cont....

!st Daayy

MooD: Panic, Chill, Panic,Chill...

Genre: Report on 1st day exam

 

Cast: Ravy, Jenn, Winnie, Dylan and the papers =)

The first exam wuz.....*drumrolls,please* Bm paper 1...

Which I may/may not have flunked. Mostly, it wuz a-ohkay...

So, im not worried too much. Did a few exercises last night [ in which upon marking, concluded that I wuz a total goner 8D ]

Spent too much time on the Bm revision that left me tired for Geo...but I memorized the places and so on so forth...

Then 2nd paper.... Geography.*chang chang chaaanngg*

The most - kaylar...mayb not the most but one of them =) - wrecked subject of all times.

It wuz suprisingly,do-able...caz well,..I studied *cheer: "Gooo...Nerd!!You can do it!"* *pompoms shakes* 

Everyhting wuz 5n....until..they started asking those questions.Yup!The quetions to the exact topic I left out of my revision [ it did swear sumting about a payback upon being osctracised =D ], brushing it off as "Aiyah!Just too easy to study lah...Read enough dy..." which was quite true...to a certain extent ]

I had to ask ans *sob sob* [ yes,dear readers - if there's any - my promise to myself was broken in the attempt of saving my marks ] from the self-proclaimed-proffesional-exam-cheater *curtains pulls aside* : Raven aka Ravy akan Mr Bean Impersonator [ best friend and gossip forum of all time XD ].

He was sitting on my table [ which was pushed towards the wall caz i wuz too malas too bring home the cornucopia of books =) ] and doing very nicely,while cheating,of course. =) 

Apparently, I's written some notes on the definitaion of those Simile, Personifikasi and so on while teacher was explaining before [ before,that is, she left to the Kampong to look after her father,happily abandoning us *sob sob* ] for memory purposes and it had helped him with a a question....

A question I knew the answers to,anyway, so Im chill..=D

I had asked the papers back so that I could ask some of the answers from those whom had already passed up their papers *hangs head in guilt*

Dylan -oh!MeLuv- actually gave me the answers to the question I had the most doubt but then, haizness...

I opted to trust Jen, who had very conveniently given me abother answer.And since she's the Pro in Geo and all...

haizness!!!

The sad part is,...she wrote the right ans but had given me the wrong one!!

Haizness,...my hearing and I..Someday,Im gonna get so annoyed with my harting abilities that Im just going to *makes a slicing motion with hand* slice off my ears - just like that.

Ah well,..you can't win em' all...

Then came Bm Paper 2 *glass shatters everywhere*...

In which,somehow,I dunno why,I spent nearly 10 whole minutes dreaming and fiddling with my pencil  - maybe it was caz i din't have anything for break and that's a first,i dunno...-I was the only one in that whole room who was twirling my pencil around my fingers and looking at everyone like a damn rotating CCTV [ they do, call me Ms Rotating amongst other nicknames lol ] while evryone else was furiously but diligently writing away on that notepad/paper/whatever they had to write on like their life depended on it. 

I did that too,..in the last 7 mins of the paper...I gave up on my 'nice handwriting' and jumped to the 'chicken scratches' wagon caz that's exactly how it looked like!

My heart was beating so damn fast - not for the first time though - somehow,this alwayz happens to me in every single Bm paper 2 exam - It even had the beat i cant get right while playing my guitar!!

I was witing away like mad,cursing ta myself - as usual -for wasting so much time earlier on.

*suspense music plays eeriely fast in the background* Finally, I was done. I didn't even have the time to check my papers..like durh!I barely managed to finish the entire paper! =D

After passing up my paper, Kishen asks next to me," What did you out for the definition of perspektif sempit?"

I say,"Pemikiran kolot. Can ah?"

He says,"Yalah...same what.."

Of course, I dont believe the numbnut - sorry!i really do appreciate your pencil and all the other stuff you lent me today but that doesn't change facts,though - so I turnaround and ask Jen.

Jen: I dunno...Caz pemikiran kolot is like -says the meaning which i forgot but i remember enough that realized I did a terible mistake that's gonna cost me" 

The right answer: Pemikiran yang tidak terbuka.

Holy Shit!!Wth am i supposed to do??

Ravy then came over to my desk and asks me how many word did I write for my Bahagian B.I panicked cause' I'd forgotten to write it down despite taking the time to painfully count every single damn word -that's what im supposed to do..I noe..i noe =P -...

I rush and check with the teacher if I could write it down and would you believe it??She actually let me! So i also took the oppurtunity *cheeky laughter* to change my anwer and get it write..

I felt really sad for cheating...not then,maybe,but now.

Ah well..I'll really see to it that it never happens again...

Next exam after this: Trials *yipes*

Frustration!!

MooD: Regrets,regrets,regrets....and more haizness

Genre: Vent of Self-frustration and anger

Cast: Ms Leong;MoM;Sleepy-head-who's-gonna-flunk (Yours truly)

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!

You'd probably have realized by now that i say 'AARRGH' quite a lot...Will think of a new one.

I realy should beat myself up like that guy in The Da Vinci Code.Seriously.Whipping myself like that would just be perfect for me right now.

I am bad in Maths. Correction: I am the WoRsT in Maths.

And WTF did I do about it??Skip the replacement class that's suppossed to have helped me!

Frankly, I don't think Ms Leong could be anywhere close to being as upset as I am....I slept off!!!

  In the midst of drooling in that 42 inch pillow [ you know..,those that sinks your head into them ones ], I did not realize my maid waking me up...WTF???

I got up and im like,"OMGF!!I missed another class!!"><

You cant possibly imagine the anger I felt ... towards idotic Me, Moron Myself and fucking I!!

I just don't know what to do...Despite the fact that my teacher leaked out the questions and blahz...I couldn't bother to read them thru,would you believe it? Did I mention that I'm speaking of my Bm papers?No?Ah well,..at this point I cant think straight...hell!I cant even walk a damn straight line.You know,blurred vision with anger and all that...=)

God practically came down to Earth in the form of my very.....uhm...[nvm] BM teacher to pass me the answers [ well,sort of ] to one of my worst fears, BM paper 2. Of course,my other fears include, KH,Maths,Sejarah...zzzz....you geddit,ryt??

Im just a bloody babbling entity who can't even do damn thing right!!...

MooD:Frustrated,exasperated and in a fowl mood

Genre: Complains and outbursts.

Cast: One pissed and agitated drama queen [ you can imagine how a drama queen would react in situations like these =) 

You know what??I fucking give up!!The frustration....*tears hair out of her head*><

Seriously,..

Kna cant be bothered to fucking teach me....How darn sad is it that whenever I call her, she is either too busy to pick up the phone or well,just busy?

And my parents...For goodness sake!I cant belief I actually spent more than half a day ion some installation ( no dounbt a very,very nice installation 8D ) and they cant even be bothered enough to get me some exercise books...Exercise Books,people!!Not games,not clothes, not anything of worldly material but BOOKS!!!

DON'T YOU GUYZ GET IT THAT IM GOING TO FLUNK MY PAPERS UNLESS SOMEONE DOES SOMETHING TO HELP ME OUT????

And it certainly isn't helping that I'm sitting on the computer...blogging...BloGGinG!!Can you believe that I know-i just know for sure-that Im going to flunk my test if I dont put myself into constant hard labour and here I am.BloGGing.Fucking BloGGing!! * screams like a choking hyenah*

Another person that walked away from my life

V-man...left.

oh-kay...I felt dumped and hurt. at first.still.

But i wrote that daily how-im-handling-it journal and things are pretty cool now..

Getting better at least. I hate the way i went 2 skewl yesterday like Bella Swan in New Moon caz despite what everone thinks or gossips, he is NOT my boyfriend...we just got a hell lot closer this year and i just felt strangely empty without him.

It was similar when Roobz wuz in his zombie mood, but that phase was easier to handle with caz a) he wuz around to talk about it and b) it was much easier to wait for this phase to wear off caz i'd finally diagnosed the problem.

He lied to me and conned me into believing that he had no choice but to leave...And me,being the totally oblivious shit that I am,..only realized a tad bit too late..After he finished his shopping...Damndamndamn

And yea,..the nerd that he is,..he reli wanted to focus and all that. 

Ah well,..he wants to go...let him go..Im gonna move on...

I kept telling him,"you're gonna change...things will be different between us. The moment you leave,things will never ever be the same again..ever" 

Foolish-nerd: No...I won't..I'll still be the same la...C'mon,man

Dont.go-pleader: You will...You forget,how many people i have lost..The group just wont be the same without you...Don't you geddit??You're running away!You have every single damn thing you can ever want right here!

Foolish-nerd: I have to, nacha.Try to understand. This is why I didn't wanna tell you. You'll take it too hard..and you are. Im soo sorry,ya.

Dont.go-pleader: Please...I dont cry for everyone, you know...Dont make me feel I wasted my tears on a jerk...You don't have togo..Whatever it is, we can work things out...

Foolish-nerd: I got an oppurtunity and I have to take it, you see.

Dont.go-pleader: That's bull..You got the it the first time and you ( fucking ) came back. You used your mom to get you into this despite them rejecting you twice!

....blablablah

then...

On Mon,I brought my phone to school to catch picz n tape vids but left my memory card in the comp[ =_="] and left the farewell gift in the car when getting out of it to school. So movie-like...haiz.

After school,I kept repeating to my bro [if you were there,you'd get sick of the sentence,"go call appa" and wud probably spit at anyone mentionaing anything anout calling lol] but hecould care less and in the end, we didn't hang out together after school as long as planned caz my dad wuz already waiting in front. I left them, a pissed hyenah, and stalked out of the canteen, fuming like hell...V-man called but i agnored him..caz i was mad at my bro...Stupid but ah well,..you shudda guessed.

That night, he texted me and i apologized for walking out on him,it being his last day and all..

Dont.go-pleader:This is why i did what i did in Form 1...caz i didn't want to attach myself to you,to anybody and you were getting harder to unattach. I didn't wanna let you in because of this. And now, it has happened...Before I can stop it.

Foolish-nerd: Im so sorry,Nacha

Dont.go-pleader: Im not even supposed to tell you all this. But If it has happened anyway,..(wth)

I regret...(cant rememeber dy...lol)I wasted my tears on you and you didn't even ( forgot again...) 

Foolish-nerd:Im so sorry.Im reli sorry ya...Chill..

Dont.go-pleader: Blahblahblah

Felt bad through-out the night for fighting with him but didn't make amends.properly...

He tells me he's sick and that quote,"The doctor screwed ma ass. He gave me a shot on my property. Damn Pain." I christened his ass as Mr Baboon.wtf i noe..i geddit XD

Tue: I dont go to school.

Reason: My fight with Jennyfer made me think if she really is my friend. No matter how paranoid I am, I need to rethink our friendship. After that fight yesterday,things will never be the same again. I think i should get an award for the useless talent of shedding of friends i record time faster than my dawg.

He texts [thx to roobz]: what's wrong wif ya?EH,why din go to skewl today.

hiding.fm-the-world-gal : Caz i din feel lk going.

Torn-guy: Is it because of me,...Whats wrong wif you?Are you okay?Is it because of me?Im so sorry ya.

hiding.fm-the-world-gal: Why would i not go because of you?*slap to the face* I just dint feel like going.*immediate guilt* but too late caz the mess was sent the moment i realized me mistake.

Torn-guy: Okay.BB tc [or sumtng lk that]

Wed: Doesn't say bye before leaving,leaving me hoping that I could pass his farewell gift: a phone-chain that says MISS*heart*YOU { strictly,as a guilt-tol only} the on that day.He'

s supposed to leave on tue to register,return home and then leave during the weekends. 

I Ask Roobz [like the night before] why didn't he reply my texts...he says that he called but he didn't pick up. He switched off his phone. Maybe he left.

I was like,"Nooooooooooooooooo."

He then said," I asked Saktish [his bro] and he said that V-man has left.

This is the part where the world stopped and then everyhting was moving too fast for me to comprehend anything. While this was happening, obviously I didn't put my hand on my temple and go swoon swoon swoon or anything...Instead, I professioanally put on the facade like I always do and throughout the day,few people saw through my mask.Including Jen.

The conclusion is,he left.The end.

That's the fucking ending to this sad story...I noe..Sux to hell but ah well..

I realized that whether he changes or not, things are going to anyway. So it wont hurt -actually,it will- if I just shocked him by trnsforming myself into sumtng...nah...Not gonna happen. Im just going to move on and thread on him like the past he's chosen to be.

Caption: Clowing around one day on the way to class XD

Undevoted Blogger

MooD: Frustrated

Genre: Guilt Confession and Questionaire

Evidently, I cannot, i repeat cannot, fit into the "compulsive blogger" catogory since Im such an utter failure in updating my blog that's supposed to reflect and broadcast my oh-so-dramatic life,which is just that - dramatic. 

But with a tiny exception...I AM NOT BLOGGING!!
Im sooo darned frustrated...at myself...I keep scolding myself [doing a poor job in it,dont worry..You dont have to worry that Im too hard on myself ^^]..

What is it with diaries and me,anyway??I mean,..it's soo hard to actually post a blog...*frustrated sigh* * exasperated sigh* 

Ah well...you cant win em' all..

Coming up:Questions of the Week

1. What the fuck do you think you'r doing??
   
2. Who the hell do you think you are, fucking Albert Einstein?
   
3. When the hell are you gonna step out of your delusional world that the day is eventually going to be saved...by someone??
4. Do you fucking realize that PMR is coming to get you in 4 months (!) time??

Those are the questions which I'll have to come up with answers...soon.Or else, *menacing eyes* it'll be eternal damnataion for me.*intermission soundtrack*